That was darker than I realized…
4 minute read
August 6, 2024, 8:07 PM
Recently, while operating the train, I was singing the “Goldilocks and the Three Bears” opera from Today’s Special to myself in the cab. For those of you who are not familiar, in the episode “Opera“, the main cast put on a short opera telling the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, singing the entire story as befits an opera. The whole thing is really cute, and if you’ve seen it, you probably remember that it finished like this:
Sam played Papa Bear, Jodie played Mama Bear, Jeff played Baby Bear, and Muffy played Goldilocks, and they all dressed the part, with the little bear suits on the three of them, and the blond wig on Muffy. The opera was run twice as flashbacks in the show, with the second half’s being shown again in “Our Story Part 2“, and in its entirety in “Sam“.
Now, I have sung this opera plenty of times, doing all of the parts. At just about every job I’ve had, I’ve tended to quietly sing something from Today’s Special whenever I’m doing some work by myself. The folks at Food & Water Watch could probably tell you the lyrics to a few of those songs just from having heard me sing them to myself enough times while working. It’s like Elyse once said: “Why is Today’s Special so singable?”
The relevant portion of the opera is in the back half, which is where the music gets really dramatic as the bears confront Goldilocks and then bring the whole conflict to its resolution. The lyrics go like this:
Muffy: I’m sorry, now, I realize. I do want to apologize. I’ll never come inside your cottage. Not by myself. Not by myself. I was wrong, that I know, but I’ll be good if you please let me go.
Sam: You must never do this again!
Muffy: Please don’t eat me! (pause) Please don’t eat me!
Jeff: What makes you think we’ll eat someone like you?
Sam and Jodie: What makes you think we’ll eat someone like you?
Jeff: You’re very thin…
Sam and Jodie: You’re very thin…
Jeff: And much too small…
Sam and Jodie: And much too small…
Jeff: Let’s set her free…
Sam and Jodie: Let’s set her free…
Jeff, Sam, and Jodie: We’ll set her free!
Muffy: You’re the nicest bears that there could be!
After this, the bears all shake on it, and then they explain to Goldilocks how it’s all going to work:
Jeff, Sam, and Jodie: Soon you’ll be gone, no need to pack! Off you go! Off you go! Along the path and don’t come back! Off you go! Off you go! Through the woods. Into the town. Don’t come back here again, ’cause if you do, we’ll growl at you and force you to remain!
In all of the hundreds of times that I’ve sung this little opera (so many times that I transcribed the relevant portions above completely from memory), I always thought it was something along the lines of, oh, we would never eat you because that’s not how we roll. In other words, these are civilized bears. After all, they lived in a house with multiple levels, they slept in beds, they had lighting, and they ate prepared foods like porridge at a table with dishes and utensils. These bears were not savages. So as a child, teen, and adult, that’s how I thought of it, thinking that the bears were simply above that sort of savagery. Their ancestors might have killed and eaten any interlopers on sight, but not these bears. The worst that would happen was that if Goldilocks ever returned, the bears would make her stay as something of a punishment.
Then as I was singing it on the train, it sort of hit me. “What makes you think we’ll eat someone like you?” wasn’t a response to a veiled accusation that the bears were savages. It was a response to Goldilocks’ thinking highly enough of herself that she believed that she would be worthy of a meal in the first place. In other words, it wasn’t, “Oh, we would never!” but rather, it was more “You certainly do have a high opinion of yourself, don’t you?” And then in combination with the next lines, where they explain that Goldilocks is very thin and much too small, that tells me one thing: the bears had already sized her up for a potential meal, and had determined that Goldilocks wasn’t worth going to the trouble of eating because she didn’t have enough meat on her. Thus, with her not being suitable for a meal and therefore of no use to the bears, they let her go with an admonishment never to return. And if Goldilocks ever returned, the growling would be the easy part, as the bears would make a meal of her at that time. In other words, get out of here, because you won’t come out of this in one piece if you stay or if you return.
Funny thing, though, is that at the very end of the opera, Goldilocks does return. After the bears warn Goldilocks that if she ever returned, they would growl at her and force her to remain, she leaves as instructed. We then see her singing goodbye through the window from outside of the cottage, and then she goes back into the cottage, standing right between Papa Bear and Mama Bear, for the finale pose. I get that this was in order to finish the opera and get that shot of everyone together singing goodbye at the end, i.e. this wasn’t really part of the story, but I couldn’t help but think: didn’t the bears just tell you to go and not return, or else bad things will happen to you? She’s left their house, and not even thirty seconds later, she’s back in their house again just as the bears are getting ready to go on with their day. I’m thinking, with Goldilocks out of their hair, maybe the bears were going to go to Canadian Tire after they finished their porridge, but now they have to deal with Goldilocks, growling at her and forcing her to remain as promised. I’m like, come on, Goldilocks, you’re smarter than this. Get out while the getting is good.
I realized this mid-song, and I kind of chuckled to myself as I was singing it as I came to a full understanding of what I had been singing for 40+ years actually meant, and that it absolutely turned dark right there. It doesn’t lessen my enjoyment of it by any means. In fact, it makes me enjoy it more, because I finally got the joke after all of these years.
All I have to say is, well played, Today’s Special. Well played.
Categories: Today's Special