“You ever wonder what it would really be like to have drops of Jupiter in your hair?”

You may have heard the song “Drops of Jupiter” by Train before, talking about drops of Jupiter in hair, traveling to the Milky Way, falling for shooting stars, etc.. A clever song, and if you take it at face value, it’s kind of a romantic song. Just like how those types might also consider this picture at left, which is a Voyager image of Jupiter’s Great Red Spot enhanced by me with a ripple effect on Paint Shop Pro, to be somewhat romantic. However, from the perspective of a “space geek” such as myself, if I had a girlfriend want to make such a “romantic” trip, I’d be highly advising her against it, because certain things are nonsensical in the astronomical world, and other things are downright dangerous. First of all, let’s talk about the drops of Jupiter in her hair. While true that it is possible to have a “drop of Jupiter” (it would be a metallic form of hydrogen in a liquid state), it would be impossible to survive to get it. Before you reached the liquid metallic hydrogen, you’d definitely be crushed by Jupiter’s intense gravity, even with a spacesuit, and become part of Jupiter’s atmosphere in no time. Not a pretty picture, trust me. Then of course, there’s that stay on the moon that they talk about. You’d better invest in a good spacesuit before you go, because you’re going to need it, what with there being no atmosphere, thus nothing to breathe, plus none of the other protections that our atmosphere provides us by virtue our being beneath it. Then of course, there’s the question of reaching the Milky Way and seeing the lights all faded. From an Earth-based observer’s point of view, this is kind of preposterous on its face. We’re in the plane of the Milky Way. Do whatever kind of movement you want – walk, swim, or even pick your nose – you’re there. And seeing the lights all faded, it’s true that stars do eventually die, but as those stars die, new stars take their place, keeping the place just as bright as always. And after going to the Milky Way, let’s not forget falling for that shooting star. Technically speaking, stars don’t shoot. What you’re seeing is objects in Earth’s atmosphere. “Without a permanent scar,” I’ve taken to mean not producing an impact crater on our surface (and on Earth, an impact crater won’t last long), and most meteors won’t. Most burn up completely falling through the atmosphere. No sense falling through it, because if you see a meteor, you’ll most likely be going “oooooooh!” instead of jumping for cover. And of course if you visit Venus (seen at right), according to the songwriter, it will blow your mind. True, but certainly not how he’s thinking. Get on Venus, and it will blow your mind and your body… in upon itself. This, coming of course from the tremendous pressures caused by Venus’s thick atmosphere, with about 90 times the atmospheric pressure of our planet. And so what can we say about the state of affairs when it comes to love about our songwriter? Does he have a great love life and is just clueless about the universe all around him, or does he know exactly what this journey would entail, and doesn’t like his girlfriend? Makes the mind wonder how many people thought about the romanticism of this song, when in reality, the fate of the journeyer is kinda gross…